I am willing to let go of all my preconceived ideas of what I should be doing with my time here. This precious time spent in this beautiful place. I am even willing to let go of the word should while I learn to do this. If I should do, should have, any of those should moments pop into my head, I am willing to let go of whatever it is simply because I thought about it as a "should". How much space would that leave for myself? How much energy would that free up to allow me to simply sit quietly, do nothing and not expect anything because the only thinking words I'm using start with "should".
I'm willing to leave that space open for myself to find out. In fact this morning was a beautiful moment in doing that. I arrived excited and simply in awe of the beautiful place I just moved into and 100 things crossed my mind as Wayan was moping the floor of the fantastic outdoor kitchen and dining room. I should get lunch. I should go to an Internet cafe and write a few entries for my blog. I should download the photos from yesterday and last night because other people have already posted theirs.
But I did nothing, I let myself be still I watched Wayan move comfortably and quietly around the house. I listened to her when she explained where things were and how to turn on and off the lights. I read my book. I figured out the most comfortable position with the pillows on the new couch I was settling into. I unpacked a few things. When Wayan offered me something to drink, I asked her sweetly for some tea, instead of saying I could make it myself, or maybe saying no and making it after she left. I just smiled and said, "yes please, that sounds great".
When she left to go home, I had the funniest moment with myself about what I should and shouldn't do for myself. She offered to cook me breakfast in the morning, I just took a breath, thought about it and said to her, " No, I have to leave early in the morning, but I would love it if you would cook me dinner instead."
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