As I'm in the middle of my first week of my career break, sabbatical, new journey...whatever I'm calling it this week, I'm really surprised how tired I am. Just the physical toll that slaving away at a job that isn't your bliss or your life's work still surprises me. I feel it in my body not just by how drained I feel but also my body is telling me by breaking out in a rash, by having stomach issues come up, tight, tense, muscles in my neck and shoulders. I know that with time, attention and tender loving care I can get my mind and body working together again. I'm just surprised how truly exhausted I feel. I think I expected to be jumping for joy and running around.
Although I went to see "Rock of Ages" last night with some friends and that was a big energy boost. I love 80's music and the friends I went with do too so it was such a blast to laugh and hear those songs that bring you right back to the awkwardness and silliness of 8th grade and High School. It's a like a visceral memory for me when I hear REO Speedwagon and Journey. I had to go on Itunes today and remind myself of the cool music I liked then too, like the English Beat, The Clash & The Squeeze. But now as I write this I need to go download some Thompson Twins and keep it real. I'm making a mix...I have too, it was just too nostalgic last night. I could actually see the guy I had the biggest crush on in High School when I heard Extreme, "More than Words". In fact I'm having lunch with that guy next week...we'll have to laugh about it...he got in touch with me through Facebook about a year ago. It's been so nice to reconnect as adults and be able to respect myself for someone I spent so much time pining after in High School. Ironic isn't it?
That's really what this time off is about. It's about finding my heart again. Remembering what it feels like to live from my heart. I'm hoping the mix of slowing down, traveling to new places with new people and then coming home and seeing things differently will help me feel my life from my heart again. I feel like I shut it down so long ago, not even Anders Noyes can bring it back. Only I can, it's up to me.
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